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When there's no way out of the dark..


"Being angry, frustrated and hopeless over trivial matters" I wonder if anyone faces the same kind of situation with me too. I tend to get into a dilemma easily, sometimes I couldn't make decisions even on the simplest things. I mean, I dunno why, I tend to make a big deal out of small things sometimes, then I get very pressurized and tensed up over trivial matters. Sometimes I could advise people what to do, console them, help them out of the dark but ironically I couldn't help myself lol. I mean, sometimes okay. 

Here's an incident which happened last night..my mum actually disagreed my working hours of my new job as my working hours are not fixed which means sometimes I can go back home at 7pm but sometimes I will be working until 10pm. It would be absolutely zero-stress if I'm allowed to go home at 7pm every day because I can meet my daddy up at his shop and go back home together. It's impossible for my dad to wait for me until 10pm to go back home so she called me to arrange my own transportation. 

Here comes the stressed-out-moment. I know right, you could just tell me, TAKE LRT LA. However my mum was worried about my safety...then she said it would be so troublesome if they have to fetch me from the LRT station. I was completely speechless, at the same time, I felt that I'm pestering them. My mum then discouraged me from going to work lol. 

The problem wasn't really complicated, it's just the matter of transportation to go home. Actually if I could arrange the transportation without thinking too much of those unnecessary stuffs, everything will be solved. Then here I go again, being so annoyed by this little harassment, I mean it's not even a harassment, it's just a small stuff. And I argued with mum about it. Both of us were actually standing for our own opinions. Had a mini emotional breakdown after that, blamed the world, blamed myself. Damn myself when I thought of it now it sounds so stupid Ikr lolol. 

When I feel that every single thing around me annoys me..
When I feel that there's no way to calm myself down..
When I feel that there's absolutely no way I can cheer myself up..

Well, honestly I do not force myself to be happy....

You know what? I just VENT. I vent my feelings out and I don't like to keep them in my heart! Really. OK LA, THIS IS MY POINT OF VIEW ONLY. It's not completely useless when I vent my feelings out actually because after rounds and rounds of venting, I think I would learn something from what I vented out. Of course it's more useful when I vent them out on somebody who can be there for me. In this case I really pity and APPRECIATE the one who be my listener whenever I wanted to vent.

I dunno, actually I felt much better after I let all my voices out from the bottom of my heart. Felt even better when the special one is willing to listen everything I want to say. No matter how frustrated I am, how irascible I get, how hopeless I feel, teddy can still be so optimistic to be there for me, telling me all the positive things and trying his best to cheer me up no matter how tired he is after his work. He didn't force me to be happy but he tried all sorts of ways to make me happy. Even I don't laugh at his jokes, he still had the passion to tell me more. He didn't even bother to complete his tasks first but he just made me his priority. Definitely I appreciate him so much. T_T

So next time, when you are depressed like shit and you felt that there's no way you can help yourself, ask for help - from the one you trust, from the one who is willing to be there with you. Of course after venting out all the feelings, we must grow up and learn how to stand on our own feet if next time we confront the same kind of situation again. ^_^ 

Also, I get to know who's the best for me and whom I should appreciate and love more.

Thank you teddy.

And thank you for reading my babbling thoughts. Just forget about everything when you disagree. ^_^

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