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Happiness lies in contentment.

Sometimes I tend to get really unhappy. Why? Well, simply because I never feel contented with what I already have in my life. I never once felt "enough".

I never knew where to stop.  I wanted this and that. I always wanted more. I moan at the unfair life laying before me. I must confess, I can be really demanding at times. Well, demanding is not that precise, perhaps "avaricious" is.

What I always thought was... how can I be pleased with what I possess - which is so, so little - while there are so much more I could actually own?

Picture this: When you are scrolling through Instagram and you happen to see your friends' posts showing off their new possessions: maybe a new bag, or a new phone. After submitting a comment which sounds something like "Gawd im jelly!", you put down your phone, start looking at what you have, and eventually begin to evaluate the value of your own possessions, counting each of their worth. My phone is out of date, it's one version behind the latest. No I'm bored of that bag already, probably took a few hundreds of OOTD's with it. And why did daddy buy me this camera? It belongs to the stone age.

Your mood starts chairing the meeting of your thoughts as your vision remained on that "old and useless" camera. Rationality is taken over and your emotions have all their say. Negative thoughts start playing Tag in that space in your head: Just how can life be so unfair? Why can she just get whatever she wants, without even having to ask for it? Why is her boyfriend born in a family rich enough to constantly cater to her whims? And don't tell me she saved her money up for that Celine bag, this is already the third showing-bag-off Instagram post already! Why do I not have a car of my own...

You don't actually hate them but hell yes, you are turning into a green-eyed monster.

Yup, that's me, sometimes.

There are times when I allow myself to slowly sink into the seas of dismal and allow depression drown me, what have I done wrong? Isn't it fair to be always in the seeking of more, more, and more? Why am I the chosen one to suffer this life of lacking? There's this habit in me which just can't seem to go away. I always, ALWAYS compare just about anything with the "luckier" people around me and sure enough, this habit welcomed nothing else but more unhappiness and depression.

To count the things I don't have?
I don't have the latest Prada collection, I don't have the Macbook I always wanted, I don't have the latest iPhone, I don't own the perfect Casio TR15 "selca" camera, I don't have the shoes which are now trending in Korea, and all the beautiful dresses that Lena Fuji wear...

When all that comparison happens, my mind will be gushed with a horrendous flood of negative thoughts, and that growing darkness in my mind will shade all my thoughts grey, leaving me no reason to smile anymore. I would always wonder then: what is the meaning of life, we aren't enjoying everything we want to have? Rounds and rounds in the same eddy of negative thoughts didn't take me anywhere. In the end, nothing changed. I still end up where I started.

But rest assured, those were the ugly times which went their way. I gladly admit that they're now completely off my shoulders.

A long, worthwhile struggle traded me a new conclusion: It's my life, and only my attitude and my perspective has the power of shaping whatever comes in my way. It's about time to put an end to all these misery I never needed.

I took a second look at the phone in my hand.

It's a funny feeling, now I somehow feel that I'm holding one of the best phones anyone can ever have. Come to think of it, I actually have everything I need in my life already, the phone is only that miniature tip of the iceberg. If I am to count all the things I have but other people don't, I am - by far - one of the luckiest girl in this world already. I have a warm shelter. A supportive family which never leaves. The blessing to so impossibly starve. A healthy body. Everything. I actually have everything to wrap the people around me with envy. I never once spent so much time diving deep down into my thoughts, and hence never did I realize that my life is actually so much better than so many people around the world.

So what, if I get the latest Prada or Chanel collection? Yes, I will definitely feel deliriously happy for the moment -  but how long can that happiness last? That 10 minutes when I'm handing over my cash at the counter? A day? Two weeks? When a new series hits the market, what would I feel of the "old" collection then? Is happiness of this sort worth "paying-for", after all?

Your path of perception leads to how you are going to feel. You are the master of your own mind, the very mother to your own feelings, thoughts, and actions. You are the one who opted that precise angle - chosen by no one but yourself - and through it, view every single matter in  your life. You have that ultimate choice to decide whether you want to be happily smiling at the morning breezes, or sorrowfully tearing at the silver lonely moon.

If you feel that you have been striving to fulfill your desires, which only seem to keep coming and coming, maybe it's about time to give it a break. Take a good look around you. Look at even the littlest things in that every day you never bothered giving too much thought of. Who knows, the truest happiness may lurk in that conspicuous, yet long-forgotten corner you always missed, at the most affordable of prices - absolutely free, yet utterly priceless.



11 comments

  1. You have the thing that I don't have :) You're lucky.

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  2. Really meaningful post... Makes me rethink about how much I've grunted when I shouldn't. Thanks a lot for this :)

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  3. MsJayce: Maybe you have the thing I don't have too!

    Abigail: Thank you for reading and I'm glad to hear that you found something in this post! <3

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  4. trust me, you're one of the luckiest girl in the world ;)

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  5. you're lucky than most girls your age.

    you're just hitting college and you get to buy things, have hi-tea, etc, etc.

    consider yourself lucky. i was only given rm350/month for allowance back then n that wasnt too long ago. with that allowance, i can barely have hi-tea!

    just be grateful with what you have. you'll appreciate more when you start earning your own money.

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  6. I've just started reading your blog not too long ago and this post is really meaningful! I'm pretty much having a similar situation with you and in down times, I try to change my perspective towards positivity too :)

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  7. Anonymous 2: Hi, I wasn't given any specific allowance. And, I earn money myself from blogging, online business and stuff. I didn't my parents to give me allowance monthly. And yes, I'm grateful with what I have in my life and I'm really satisfied with my life. I appreciate every single thing in my life. Of course, I appreciate your comment. Thank you! :)

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  8. The money you earn from blogging and online business can pay for 76 saloon hair treatments so often, branded clothing items, and all those hi-tea? Teach me master.

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    Replies
    1. Haha friend, I'm actually being sponsored by 76 saloon, and why do I get so many clothes? All thanks to you (one of my readers) and my generous sponsors! :) and about hi-tea, is it okay that I visit once in a while? Or do you wanna join me for it? x)

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