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Inspired by a brave mother

Have I ever mentioned that I'm actually a cry baby

Yes, I am very emotional and I do cry a lot. Hmm...to what extent would I describe myself as a cry baby? Well, just show me some touching scenes of Korean or whatever dramas. Within a second, trails of tears will run their way down my cheeks. A lot of people never realised this trait of mine and urgh, why am I even telling you this secret? 

Even my friends around me thought that I am always the cold-blooded bi*ch among them, as though I am always the one who can't care less about anything next to myself. I'm not blaming them for having such a perception because I always pretended as if I don't care. 

Nobody knows that the Jessica they see on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or even in person, is nothing but a facade I made of myself.

One immutable fact about myself is that I suck in controlling my own emotion. I am pretty sure this is more a bad than good thing. Holding no bit of my emotion back, I saved myself the suffering of suppressing the emotions that came out of my heart. However, I must be honest to myself that the price paid in return, can be really heavy.

I cry over trifling matters. 

I could cry upon reading a novel, and it often happens. It always do whenever I'm so into a character and I would seemingly feel the pain and heartbreak that the persona is going through. 

I could cry upon watching soap operas, too. Most of the time, I tried to turn my head away from my parents to avoid feeling awkward and embarrassed. (Shhhh!!)

I could even cry when Teddy made me little sweet notes. Then I would often blame myself for not being appreciative and not treating him the way he deserves. (This is a top secret but...at this point of time, I just feel like pouring everything I feel here) 

To support my point that I'm a cry baby (Wtf?), I'm here to tell you when was the last time I cried (double wtf??) To be frank, I just teared a little not long ago while I was watching a video I've come across on Facebook. 

I noticed that the video was uploaded in 2012 but I wondered why I had never watched it..I think many of you have not watched it too, so I think I ought to share with you guys a bit of what the video is all about. 

The video is about a mother who got married at 21 and got pregnant after that. The couple was so happy about having a baby, and was even more excited when the doctor informed them that they will be having a baby boy! Well, things got a little worse for them as the doctor explained that their baby will be born in an extremely rare condition. Despite everything, the mother insisted to have the baby delivered. Soon, the baby was delivered but unfortunately, he was born with lips with a severe cleft. The misery doesn't end just yet, the baby even has clefts in the eyes. In simpler words...the baby does not have eyeballs... :(

Isn't he a poor baby...I cried when the mother narrated (with flashcards) how people on the streets would point at her baby and make terrible remarks at her back. However, the couple did not give up on their baby although they were unprepared in raising a baby with such defects... The mother then described how her baby would giggle happily sometimes when people were staring at him and people would giggle watching him too. As the baby grows healthier and happier, she eventually became genuinely happier too.

At the end of the video, the mother revealed her baby's appearance and kissed his cheeks before the camera, telling the world that her baby is beautiful. The scene gripped my heart and I held my breath as a pool of silver tears slowly collects and blurs my vision. It's just....so touching for me. :') 

Well, if you are interested in watching the video, here's the link: Inspiring Video 

I've decided to blog about my feelings and perceptions after watching this video because it really pushed me to reflecting on myself. However, if you think the video is a plain waste of time or you think that I have overreacted, I believe you'll find the following paragraphs pointless to you too, and I would recommend you to navigate away from this page.

For those who chose to stay, I believe that you are feeling about the same as I do now. 

Most of the time, I had not been feeling contented with my life...I mean, it is really hard for me to feel contented in this world of materialism, don't you feel the same? Sometimes, I am one of those people who would blame our parents for not fulfilling our desires. And some gilded kids would be so ignorant that they think it's their parents' obligation to buy them luxurious brands they wish to own. I am one of them who constantly yearning for more and more. That no matter how much we earn, we still get the feeling of insufficiency. That we are meant to feel miserable and that the only way out is to achieve some mythical level of wealth and only that will allow us to escape.

But well, let us not go further from the content of the video yet. The video made me reflect on the things I shouldn't have done such as being ridiculously disappointed and resentful of the features of my face. 

Ok, now you may start reprimanding me in front of your device now. Yes, I expect something like "Omg, you have such perfect features already" and things like that. Well, the fact is that, some people are programmed to always feel dissatisfied with what they have. And I was one of them. Was.

A sense of shame and regret began pouring all over me as I watched the video. I mean, how can I sometimes be so ridiculously unappreciative of not only my face, but my life? How can I complain about my healthily grown features while some babies were in unhealthy conditions right from birth? How is it even fair for them? :(

More tears oozed uncontrollably when the mother tells the world optimistically that "her baby is beautiful". The scene stayed with me all these while, and it is still echoing in my mind.


Let's be true to ourselves: if you were a passerby and you saw her baby, you would surely take - if not a stare, a second or a third look at the baby with. They must have gone through a tough time: a really, really tough one. Perhaps, the hardest part is not about having to overhear and bear with nasty remarks that come so frequently into their ears; but how the couple has to explore unprecedented ways of raising their baby in the coming years. I feel so sorry for them to have to come through such a difficult challenge in life.

Watching the video, we may not feel the pain that the mother is going through; or I should say, we will never be able to feel it at all because the encounter did not come in our way. However, I believe all of us can see eye to eye that the mother is very brave and respectable. It's true that a mother's love knows no boundaries, like nothing else in the world. Always remember, while everyone else in the world turns their back on you, the only person who will never stop loving and supporting you is unquestionably your mum. (To those of you who may not know already, mum here symbolises to parents) 

Thanks to the video, I now know that I should never get bogged down so easily whenever I run into trivial, little problems. There are always bigger problems out there and I should always be grateful that mine is nothing compared to them.


We are all beautiful for our very own reasons and there should never be a day that we would start counting the others' blessings and overlook the gifts we have.

2 comments

  1. Hi Jessica, I’m actually a quiet reader of yours. Trust me, this is by far the best article ever blogged by you. You remind me of my younger days.
    Well, I have to agree with you. We were raised up in a materialistic world and constantly being brainwash. Our culture tells us to be rich, to have fame, to have the best of everything in life. Yet, nobody tell us to appreciate ourselves and be contented in life. We are often trained to chase for things that we think we need but there's a difference you know, between need and want. You need a bag, you want a Prada. You need love, you want perfectionism.
    Perhaps, it’s time for us to open our heart to give loves and feel loves. Trust me, materials bring us to nowhere, it’s impermanent. There’s an expired date for everything but love from our parents, they are real. They accept and love us for the whole package. Always remember that you are rich, because you are loved. That’s the most expensive thing anyone can ask for.

    xoxo
    Hayley

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