Make me whole again

I realised that I can't even blog like the way I usually did, not anymore. Looking back at the olden days when I just started blogging, back then I could just blog about anything; even if it's just a simple day out with my mum, or friends. I could rant about the most random of stuffs as much as I like to, without feeling any kind of pressure. I used to be so, so carefree. I didn't need to care about what others would say or what others may think about my blog because WELL IT'S MY BLOG and you have no rights to stop me from doing whatever I want to do with it.

But as time goes by, my blog slowly becomes an identity of me, and thus I started to change. I didn't know whether the change is positive or not but I do acknowledge that I have changed so much over the years (in terms of my way of blogging).

I realised that my blog has slowly become more of a responsibility, rather than a private hangout where I seeded my genuine passion and interest. Each and every blog post eventually turns out to be like a mission that needs to be dutifully carried out; because I know that there are always people out there who are watching me. I have to admit that sometimes I can be very emotionally affected by some audacious remarks, but often I chose not to retaliate. People are just so hard to be pleased nowadays..they may complain when there are too many photos in a blog post; and at the same time, they may also complain when a blog post gets too wordy for their taste. On the other hand, it is also hard for me to keep up with my studies and strive to improve in blogging; and I am not willing to sacrifice one for another. Recently, I find myself dwelling in so much of negativity and unhappiness, which I just don't feel like sharing on my blog. There are just so many things crashing down around me, leaving me so restless and enervated.

I wish I have the strength to pull myself together, to find my true self again - the one who used to run wild and free in her imagination, in her own carefree world, the one who doesn't need to be anybody else, but just herself.