Why hello there! I am supposed to study for my final exam now but my mind seems to enjoy wandering here and there. I just can't seem to focus on what I should do now. Apparently, I am here without any intention of writing on a specific topic so I am just writing whatever comes into my mind.
First of all, I would like to apologise to all my readers that I have not been updating my blog frequently lately. In fact, I have nothing interesting nor special to blog about.
And recently, I just feel that I've changed. (Well, not sure for the better or worse, YET)
I realised that I can now leave my blog not updated for a week, without feeling guilty.
I realised that I care less about my blog stats now as compared to last time.
I realised that it is less important for me to care about how others think of me or my blog now.
I realised that, now, I treat blogging as a casual activity of mine, but not a stressful job for me.
Let me tell you how I used to feel about blogging.
Well, I started blogging since I was 14, and I eventually got more serious about it when I turned 16. My blog had slowly gained its recognition, along with a small bunch of loyal readers when I was 17. No bragging intended, but those are just some trivia about my journey, that's it.
I forgot when I signed up for Nuffnang, but I can be very sure that I have myself already registered before even graduating from high school. As I have mentioned before, it takes a lot of effort and time for you to be scouted by any agency. Up till now, there are still people asking me about the ways to get featured in Nuffnang, how to fish for event invites and how to earn money from them. People, if you are blogging only for the mere sake of earning big bucks down your pocket or having your favourite clothes sponsored, I strongly advise you to reconsider whether your intention. Just throwing in my two cents' worth, if your purpose of blogging is to gain recognition and money, you won't. Day by day, you'll realise that you're wasting your life away blogging, something you never enjoyed one bit. Precious time? Wasted. Finally, depression will be all you're left with.
To be frank, I am writing this entry based on my own experience and I sincerely hope that this entry will develop some new insights and perceptions you have towards blogging.
Well, let me tell you very honestly, I once cared about my blog TOO MUCH, to the extent that...
1) I would update my blog very frequently (4 times in a week) for the sake of MAINTAINING my blog traffic.
2) I would check my Nuffnang analytics DAILY to get updates on the numbers of my daily blog traffic.
3) I would crack my brain juice to come up with NEW blog entries every day.
4) I could get very emotionally affected by my blog traffic whenever it takes a dip.
To sum things up, I was once very emotionally carried away by blogging. What I meant by "emotionally carried away" is that this platform - where I am supposed to share my life and thoughts with my readers - could actually become a significant source of mental pain. At the better times, I would feel very positive and motivated: who isn't happy to see the graph of your business hiking its way up? There are people supporting me out there, I would smile at the monitor, reassuring myself. I am getting there soon. However, things aren't always going to be all beds of roses for everyone. At times, blog traffic would drop so dramatically that I'm left feeling extremely crushed and devastated. Am I out of the game? Am I getting eliminated, already? Pondering, worrying, calculating the worse to come, sighing, struggling to get back up on my feet.
Those were the days I used to care so much about how people think about me.
To be frank, I treat blogging as a very casual hobby when I first started off. I never thought of earning money from blogging at first (in fact, I had genuinely no idea that blogging can possibly reel in an income) It's only after gaining a little reputation, receiving a little more comments, a little more followers and a little more sponsored posts that I told myself that I have to invest more effort in this blog. Hence, I eventually felt more and more pressurised, as "blogging" leaped past a long-maintained hierarchy and straight to the top of my order of priorities.
When pressure kicks in, you won't be able to enjoy what you do to the fullest, be it the very thing you love doing so much.
As much as I take pleasure in sharing my thoughts and snippets of life with my readers on this platform, at the same time, I also dislike how it can be such a burden for me sometimes. Just sometimes. I felt that I was trying so hard to be more recognised. I realised that I have lost myself in the pursue of success. I felt that I'd treated my blog too seriously that I might even suffocate if all my readers are to be gone one day.
Those were the days just how overly serious I was towards my blog.
"And recently, I just feel that I've changed."
It's not that I don't treat my blog seriously anymore, but I feel that I've found a new way to reignite my passion for blogging again, minus the unnecessary stress.
I've come to realise that it's extremely important for me to ENJOY what I am doing by CARING LESS about the rest of the things that are beyond my control.
Now, I won't even force myself to blog when I really have nothing much to blog about. I write only when I feel like writing, when there really is something I want to share. When I feel like writing, I can write a lot (as much as this one, haha!) You all know the feeling of being forced to write an essay on a topic that you are not interested in at all? Haha that's exactly the feeling I USED to get whenever I compelled myself to blog. Now, I no longer find the need to check on my blog stats daily. I am also very relieved that I am not feeling negative at all about unsatisfactory blog traffic, not anymore. In a nutshell, I already learn to care less about so many things that I used to be overly obsessed about - The things that used to carry me away.
Well, maybe you would say that I care less because I am slowly giving up. No, I am very sure that I am not giving up; it is only that I am learning to do the things I like with genuine passion and love, not with stress and tears and frustration. I am just doing what I love in a better way now.
It's hard for me to get over all the things I used to care about so much. But I am glad, however, that they are now brushed off from my shoulders, and I sincerely hope that people (more specifically, bloggers) out there can understand the purpose behind this post. I am not trying to convince you to divert your attention towards your blog, but I hope that you can really find happiness in what you are doing. Once you feel tensed up from blogging, maybe that's when you need to take a break and clear up your mind. Nothing you love doing shall ever affect your mood or happiness.
Enjoy what you do, and do what you enjoy.