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Oh-so-random

I feel like blogging today. I feel like blogging now. 

I'm so done with scrolling my Facebook timeline. Twitter has nothing interesting for me to read too. 

So I hesitantly hovered my cursor over to the "add new tab" button, clicked on it, and here I am, 

landing on a blank page on blogger.com as I clicked on the "New post" button. 

Wait a minute. What am I going to blog about today? Hmm. 

Again, I really feel like blogging but I just don't know what to blog about. 

Isn't it weird? It is. 

I hate it when I have no idea what to write about when I feel like writing. 

I guess almost every blogger experiences this, and this is so torturing. 

I don't know. My feelings for my blog are not the same anymore. 

It's supposed to be a personal space, but sometimes, I just feel that it's not-so-personal after all. 

I used to be able to write anything on my blog, just basically anything that I feel like writing, without even giving a damn about what others think, without even caring whether people are going to like it or not. 

It was personal. It was an online platform, more like an online diary, that allows me to vent my feelings out as long as I want to. 

But it's not like that anymore.

It's not like I can blog about anything I want now. 

There are so many considerations before I'm gonna click "publish" for my drafts.

Are my readers going to read this? Are my readers going to enjoy reading this? Are the pictures clear and bright enough to be published? Do I have any grammar mistakes? 

The list of questions goes on and on. 

To be honest, I think my blog is getting boring. I do update frequently, but it's not like my content is super attractive or interesting or worth-sharing. 

I promise I won't blog when I don't feel like it, because there's no point writing just for the sake of updating my blog. 

But I can't do this all the time, you know? 

I can't always tell myself "oh I just don't feel like blogging" all the time. 

Because if I do, my blog will get abandoned and eventually people will abandon and forget about me. 

Blog traffic plays a very, very important role for bloggers. 

If I don't keep up with my pace, I will fall out of this competitive industry, and people who are working harder than me are going to take over me. 

Who can I blame? Nobody but myself. I can't blame people for working harder than me, right? Everyone who works hard deserves a chance to shine. 

You can't be on the top forever, because there are numerous competitors out there. There are always people who work 10x harder than us. There are always potential people out there who can produce more interesting contents than me. 

By the way, I'm not saying that I'm on the top ok. 

I don't know. I don't want to risk not updating my blog for 1 month or so and see whether people will still come back to this space for my updates. In fact, I think I will miss this space too if I abandon it for too long. 

I can't imagine though. Can't imagine what's gonna be like and what's gonna happen if I do so. I fear oblivion...

Sometimes I think life is unfair. Sometimes I would ask myself why am I still at the same place when I work so hard? 

But then again, I would question myself, how much effort have I really put compared to others? Didn't others put in their effort too? What so special about me? Why do people have to read my blog?? 

I believe (well, I choose to believe) every blogger makes effort in managing his/her blog, but the question is just HOW MUCH effort he/she has put in. I believe those who put in a lot of effort will definitely be able to survive in this industry longer than those who make little effort. 

It's bullshit when you say you did not ever compare yourself with others. We all do compare ourselves with others sometimes because it's hard to avoid making comparisons when we are living in such competitive world. 

I do compare myself with others every so often. But after making the comparisons, I would tell myself to move on, to work better. 

But then I realise it's not reasonable to make direct comparisons of myself with others because everyone comes from a different background. 

So the person whom you should compare with is not others, but yourself. 

So I compared the person I am now with the old me...

and I realised I have achieved so much more than I think I could. 

I realised I have come to this far and there are actually so many wonderful things and people surrounding me right now. 

I guess sometimes we should just accept reality as it is, and instead of grumbling about what we can't change, we should just spend more time in finding our own way to get back on the right track again. 


(I apologise if this post is aimless or unorganised. I shall stop here, so good night.) 


No pictures in this post but I guess that doesn't (or shouldn't) matter? 




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