Popular Posts

How to maintain a healthy relationship

IMG_8597

So one day, I was chatting with my friends and we talked about relationships.

I was shocked when some of my friends mentioned that they have broken up with their boyfriends. I mean, I never saw it coming because at one point, they seemed very sweet together. I did not find out what happened to them, though. I didn't want to be poking around for answers; I just might drive them to revisiting a past they are unwilling to recall anymore. I was so not in the business to risk having them feel uncomfortable by disclosing private stuffs like that. 

So one of my friends jokingly asked me: 
"Hey, it seems like a break-up season now eh. Jessica, be careful ok." 

I knew she never meant what she said. I knew she was just joking,
and I was not offended at all. 

I told her that my relationship is good. There is nothing to be worried about. 

Interestingly, it was only since then that I started pondering: why can some couples maintain their relationship for years and years, but why did some others fail? 

I know, there are tons of different circumstances when it comes to relationships. It is definitely wrong to comment or make judgements on the "relationship stories" we hearsay every now and then.

So, I will not talk about other people's relationship, but mine.

Yes, I am going to share a little about my relationship with you.

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years (Not too long, but definitely not short either). I knew him since I was 17, back when we were still attending classes in a tuition centre. 

I'm not going to start taking a stroll down memory lane and talk about how we got together, because that is not the focus of this post. 

Let me start by telling you this:

Our relationship is not perfect. 

I know I am not perfect. I know he isn't, too. 

On some particular matters, our opinions can stand on opposing extremities. He has his very own thinking, and so do I. Sometimes, our discussion would even lead to an argument a strong debate. It's like we were totally calm at the very beginning of our discussion - then we would eventually start arguing for our points whenever we aren't in the same understanding about something. 

I wouldn't say that this is absolutely unhealthy for a relationship. In a way, it benefits. I firmly believe that it's always good for us to voice out our opinions rather than just keeping quiet. At least after an argument, I understand not just myself - but ourselves better, discover what exactly went wrong, decide whether both of us should improve in certain aspects, or simply respect the distinction between us.

I noticed that I am always the headstrong and emotional one. I used to get angry and offended very easily last time, and that made me lose control of my own emotions and also the words I spilled. Often, the words became regrets. Irreversibly, they became something that I wish I've never said. 

We've been through our darkest days together. 

There was a period when we almost argued everyday. It was tiring. To be honest, I even had the thought of breaking up with him. At that time, I just felt that we needed a break. Somehow, it felt like our relationship was getting worse and worse simply because we couldn't seem to accept opinions that don't align to our own perspective. Those nights filled with terrible arguments and perfunctory "good night"s made me feel restless. I couldn't fall asleep at night. I kept wondering: why couldn't we just have a normal and happy conversation? 

However, I am glad.

We've been through our darkest days, together.

How did we manage to overcome the obstacles? What have I learnt from them? 

Well, here are the things that I think every couple should practice to maintain a healthy relationship: 


 Communication 
 Communication? Does it mean that you have to keep talking to your partner? Yes and no. I don't believe in texting or talking to your partner 24/7, but do communicate when you need/wish to communicate. Communicating in a constructive manner is undeniably important for any relationship to last. Communicating doesn't merely involve "talking", but more about sharing perspectives to further understand each other (which leads to my next point). If you feel that you and your partner are growing apart, sit down and communicate. Talk through it. Discuss, not condemn.


Open-mindedness 
When you're communicating, do it with an open mind. Being open-minded means that you are readying yourself to embrace new perceptions and interests, critically. It means that you are learning to accept a certain input (of perspective, principle, etc) from your partner. Don't get me wrong, being open-minded does NOT mean that you simply listen, accept, and give in to everything your partner says. Instead, it's more about your willingness to defer making a conclusion and in return think from your partner's point of view in the situation. Discuss your concerns with your partner, don't just keep the thoughts to yourself. When you are communicating with an open mind, you will be surprised by how much you are actually learning from it. 


Acceptance 
Everyone comes from a different family background, each with a different set of beliefs or culture. It's only natural that everyone may have a different mindset. To maintain a healthy relationship, a couple should learn how to accept not just each other's strengths and weaknesses, but also cultures and perspectives. You can't just force your partner to ditch his principles just because they are not parallel to your own. You can't just force your partner to believe in all your beliefs. Teddy and I have very different perceptions towards fashion. I used to be angry when he did not dress up the way I wanted him to. I felt angry because I think his fashion sense was poor and I wanted to change him. I wanted him to comply to my own "fashion rules". But then, I realised that he was unhappy. He had his own perception towards fashion, and he told me that he didn't want to follow the society-acclaimed fashion trends, blindly. So here's where "acceptance" has to come in. Over the years, I have learned to accept his terms of fashion and I no longer judge his sense of style. Acceptance is simply crucial in a relationship. The more your partner feels accepted, the more they will open up to you. I'm sure you don't want your partner to mask themselves in front of you just to please you, right? 


Give your partner some personal time/space
Sometimes, we all need some personal time and space for ourselves. You may be madly in love, but that doesn't mean that you and your partner have to spend every waking second together. Don't worry, it doesn't necessarily mean that there's something wrong with your relationship if you feel the crave for some personal time. And, it also doesn't mean that your partner is getting bored or tired of you if they ask for some personal time for themselves. Teddy and I do not spend every ticking second texting each other. In fact, we seldom text each other, especially when we are busy with our classes. However, that doesn't affect our relationship at all. Other times, he gives me time to blog. He is perfectly fine about me seldom texting him as I am hanging out with my friends. He gives me time to finish my work before we FaceTime at night. I allow him to go gaming whenever he feels like it. I know, quite a few girlfriends out there strongly despise the existence of games - or I can say Boyfriend Robbers - in this world. However, I don't think there's anything wrong with playing games! I seldom text him when he hangs out with his friends too, because I want him to spend more time socialising instead of texting me even when he's around his friends. 
"What if he craves for too much of personal time?" 
Communicate then. Talk to him and understand the reason behind it. In most cases, nothing is more important than communication, this one is no exception.


Make time for each other...
...no matter how busy you are. It's slightly related to the previous point. As I said, it's okay to crave for some me-time, but it's definitely NOT okay if you do it just to avoid your partner. Teddy and I make it a point to Facetime each other every night. Our call doesn't last up to hours, but that's okay because what matters is never the quantity, but the quality. We don't spend our time gazing each other without saying anything just to make up to a set number of hours. Instead, we spend our time sharing our thoughts and the things that we encounter for that particular day. Despite our busy schedules, we will still make sure that Saturday is "our day" so that we can meet each other. No matter how busy you are, always remember to make some time for your partner. Not only your effort will mean a lot to your partner; spending time together is the best way to keep the relationship alive and energised.




For those who are having problems with your relationship currently, don't give it up. Tell yourself this: it's not over yet. Don't resort to breaking up, ever, because that's the very worst way to resolve a problem in a relationship - it will probably hurt either (or both) of you, like hell.

Why not take the first bold step and try to make a change? As long as you are not fighting each other but fighting together, I don't see any reason for any couple to have two hearts broken by what was supposed to be driven by love.

Till then;
Good luck bunnies ♥ 

11 comments

  1. Do you need 100% Finance? I can service your financial need with less

    pay back problem that is why we fund you for just 3%. Whatever your

    circumstances, self employed, retired, have a poor credit rating, we

    could help. Flexible repayment over 3 to 20 years.Contact us

    at:mohammadloanservice@gmail.com
    1.NAME..........
    2.SEX..........
    3.AGE..........
    4.CONTACT..........
    5.COUNTRY..........
    6.PHONE..........
    7.AMOUNT NEEDED..........
    8.LOAN DURATION:.........
    9.PURPOSE OF LOAN..........
    10.OCCUPATION..........
    11.GENDER..........
    12.YOUR MONTHLY INCOME..........
    13.MODE OF REPAYMENT:..........
    EMAIL US NOW AT:mohammadloanservice@gmail.com
    Best Regards,
    Mr Mohammad.

    ReplyDelete

  2. WELCOME TO SAINT ISIDRO LOAN PARISH
    Hello client,
    My name is Mrs Bernarlyn A Villamor, i render financial help to client in need of loan.Write back to me via this email if you are interested in a loan or have applied for a loan but have not yet received your loan i can help.

    Thanks and welcome
    Email: isidro_lenderparish.plc@financier.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. BEST LOAN OFFER



    Do you need an urgent loan we offer worldwide loan to who in need of loan the business opportunity you having being looking for is here again. email us now at: mrwilliam751@gmail.com
    LOAN APPLICATION FORM
    1) Full Name:
    2) Gender:
    3) Loan Amount Needed:.
    4) Loan Duration:
    5) Country:
    6) Home Address:
    7) Mobile Number:
    8)Monthly Income:
    9)Occupation:
    )Which did you here about us.

    Best Regards.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Top of the day to you i want to bring to your notice that we offer a free and secure loan transaction which can be deliver to you within the next 48 hours of application from the stable of Kenneth Beare Loan Firm.We offer loan out at a very low rate 3% if you are interested to have a legitimate transaction then you have arrive at the right source. osmanmoneyfinance@gmail.com

    LOAN APPLICATION FORM
    Name:
    Sex:
    Address:
    Occupation:
    State:
    Country:
    Phone Number:
    Loan Duration:
    Loan Needed:
    Have you applied before?:
    Email us osmanmoneyfinance@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. Top of the day to you i want to bring to your notice that we offer a free and secure loan transaction which can be deliver to you within the next 48 hours of application from the stable of Kenneth Beare Loan Firm.We offer loan out at a very low rate 3% if you are interested to have a legitimate transaction then you have arrive at the right source. osmanmoneyfinance@gmail.com

    LOAN APPLICATION FORM
    Name:
    Sex:
    Address:
    Occupation:
    State:
    Country:
    Phone Number:
    Loan Duration:
    Loan Needed:
    Have you applied before?:
    Email us osmanmoneyfinance@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete

  6. Do you need personal loan? Does your firm,company or industry need financial assistance? Do you need finance to start your business? Do you need finance to expand your business? We give out loan to interested individuals who are seeking loan with good faith. Are you seriously in need of an urgent loan contact us at Email:arabcreditefirm@gmail.com
    APPLICATION DETAILS
    Your Full Details:
    Full Name:
    Loan Amount Need:
    Loan Duration:
    Phone Number:
    Applied before?
    State:
    Monthly Income:
    Country:
    You are to send this to our Company Email;arabcreditefirm@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. We Are Currently Offering Private, Commercial, Business, and Personal Loans with very Minimal annual Interest Rates as Low as 3% within a 1year to 10 years repayment duration period to any part of the world. We give out loans within the minimum range of €2,000 to the maximum of €15,000,000.00. Our loans are well insured for maximum security is our priority. We offer all kinds of loan. Please do contact us on our email address; osmanmoneyfinance@gmail.com

    LOAN APPLICATION FORM
    1)Full Names:
    2)Country:
    3)address:
    4)State:
    5)Gender:
    6)Marital Status:
    7)Occupation:
    8)Phone Number:
    9)Monthly income:
    10)Loan Amount Needed:
    11)Loan Duration:
    12)Purpose of Loan:
    Email us Now osmanmoneyfinance@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. We offer financial service of any reason,finance to start business,paying of bills all kind of financial assistance unsecured loans without stress and quick to honest and reliable individuals and companies globally at 3% interest rate. Here is the solution to your financial problem, contact us today via email: ds.kanke@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  9. We offer financial service of any reason,finance to start business,paying of bills all kind of financial assistance unsecured loans without stress and quick to honest and reliable individuals and companies globally at 3% interest rate. Here is the solution to your financial problem, contact us today via email: honestloan@outlook.in

    ReplyDelete
  10. Greetings to you by ADIA.

    We are a France-Paris based investment company known as Avit
    Development Investment Authority working on expanding its portfolio
    globally and financing projects.

    We would be happy to fund and invest with you in any profitable
    project if you have any viable project we can finance by making mutual
    investment with you. If you are interested, kindly contact us
    on:avitinvestmentauthority2@gmail.com for more details.

    Looking forward hearing from you soonest.

    Yours truly,
    Mrs Rose Williams
    (Personal Assistant)
    Avit Development Investment Authority(ADIA)
    501 Avenue Montaigne,75008 Paris-France
    Paris-France.Avit Development Investment Authority (ADIA)

    ReplyDelete

© JESSICA CHAW | FASHION | BEAUTY | LIFESTYLE | MALAYSIA BLOGGER |. Design by MangoBlogs.